My husband, the martyr

I’ve always tried to be the “cool wife”- Last fall I baked goodies for his company once a week, I never say no if he wants to go out with the boys and I always act excited when he decides to buy a new man-toy (well, usually I’m excited, too!). I would never let him do something stupid or reckless (although I have to admit, he’s a pretty sensible guy) and he’s never taken advantage of my awesomeness by going out every night.

Unfortunately, there’s something else he does that’s starting to bother me. He’s getting rid of his toys.

It started with his brand new grill when we moved. He had used it maybe 4 times but didn’t want it taking up room in our already over-stuffed moving van. Then after a short trip to Korea he came back with a Coach purse for me and a newfound love of selling his stuff to buy me gifts- his dirt bike and his gun were the first to go. Then he bought a snowmachine (a snowmobile for those of you not “in the know”) so I thought all was well. Now he’s trying to sell his newest and most precious toy- his shiny new pick-up truck- and is even considering selling his motorcycle- so I can have a mini-van.

Now, I know many of you are sitting there reading this and thinking “um… please tell me she’s not complaining because he’s selling his stuff to buy her presents. Is she crazy??!” Maybe. Of course I appreciate the thought (and the stuff!) but I WANT him to have toys. I liked that he had his dirt bike. He grew up riding them and I think it brought back happy memories for him. I liked that he had a gun because he fishes a lot and I just felt safer knowing he was out in the wilderness with crazed bears and stampeding moose well protected. And I love that he has his truck. He’s been talking about buying one for years and he finally has it. He works hard. He deserves it. Not that I DON’T deserve a mini-van (and in fact I’ll need one come December when Perfect Child #3 comes along) but we are perfectly capable of owning both a truck and a mini-van without him sacrificing anything. So why is he being a martyr about this? Why is he insisting on sacrificing his stuff for me?

As it turns out, it’s not really for me. Okay, the Coach purse was. But by selling his truck, he feels he’s putting our family in a better financial situation- one car payment instead of two- and giving the whole family a safe and reliable car that will fit a family of 5. He’s being a good man. A good husband. A good dad. And I love that about him. But I still don’t want him to get rid of his dang truck! Should I insist he keep it, knowing how much he loves it (and then have to listen to him whine about his beloved truck he had to sell) or should I let him sell it and feel good about “doing the right thing,” but then always feel guilty that he had to give up his baby for… well, his OTHER baby? I’m torn.

3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by sam on June 16, 2010 at 3:39 PM

    Tough call, girl. I totally get your frustration, though. It’s not “oh let’s get stuff!” it’s totally so much more than that….it’s wonderful that he is thinking of his family, there are so many who don’t, but I can imagine your torn feeling. I don’t know what to tell you, except I would feet the same way as you. Hugs! And be thankful you have a wonderful man who puts his family first.


  2. Posted by Jennifer (Spagnotti) Barnes on June 16, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    Well I think you should ask yourself; with everything else that he has given up has it been something that has been brought up with the “I’m sacrificing everything and have nothing to show for it” attitude behind it? If not, then maybe his mind set is that he had the chance to enjoy (insert man-toy here) for X amount of time. And like you said, he’s putting your family first and knows that it will be easier with just one vehicle payment.

    I say sit down with him and talk about this. If you know that your family would be fine with both the truck and the van tell him this and even break out the old budget book as proof. Some times once someone is set on doing something this huge (more so when they think they are doing the right thing for their family) it is hard to make them see the other side.

    I would try starting things off with “I would really love it if you kept your truck, I see how happy it makes you and that makes me happy. What wouldn’t make me happy is seeing you lose something you truly love and are excited about” This way he knows that you aren’t just trying to ‘guilt’ him into selling the truck. Not that you would.

    Plus having two vehicles is always better than just one. If the van were to break down after a few weeks of owning it (not that it would), you would have no way of getting anywhere. Hope you are able to convince him to keep the truck. It sounds like it really makes him happy and losing it would be hard on him. Good luck!


  3. Posted by Pheldda on June 17, 2010 at 6:28 AM

    One thing you would have to consiter is the joys of having a truck. Trucks are very useful. They hold a lot of stuff and can do things that mini vans cannot.

    Also I live in a one vehicle home. It can be very inconvient.

    I would talk to your husband and bring up your concerns.


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